E33: Thinking Outside the Box: Challenging the Status Quo and Breaking Out of the System

Today's episode of Calm Talks is all about breaking free from the societal system that limits our growth and individuality.

Your hosts, Adeel and Ant, kick off the conversation by explaining how the system is like a box that people are born into, with set paths that they are expected to follow. These paths include following a particular religion, going to school, getting a degree, finding a job, getting married, and having kids. But is this really the only way to live life?

Adeel and Ant encourage listeners to challenge the status quo and think outside the box. They discuss the importance of introspection and self-discovery in escaping the system and finding your true purpose.

Join us for this thought-provoking conversation on breaking free from the system and discovering your true purpose. 

Transcript

Adeel  0:10  
Hello, everyone, thank you for tuning in to another episode of calm Talks. My name is Adeel, and I'm here alongside my co host. And we are here to help you lead a life of peace and progression, one column talk at a time. Before we get started, just want to say thank you to all our listeners, week, over week, we see a rise in our following on Spotify and on Instagram. And again, that's all down to all of you. So thank you for that. continue sharing it with your family and friends, if you think that they would find this kind of content valuable, because we certainly appreciate it. Today, we're going to be giving you another often my accession and and I had been getting into our discussions like we usually do, I think you know the trend already at this point. And we're just chatting about the system, the system that we all find ourselves in the same system where from a young age, you're told what to follow what to learn, go to school, go to college, university, get your degree, get a job, nine to five, get married kids die. That's it. That system that is supposed to be uniform for everyone? How do we break out of it? How do we find our own true purpose?

Ant  1:18  
Yes. So regarding this, it was the conversation of the mind initially was about how we lost in the system? Are people lost in the system? Do people even know what the system is? And we kind of want to bring that back on the mic, and just have it as the open forum. Hopefully, you guys can engage with us, let us know your thoughts on this, we really want to hear from you understand where you're at in your journey in the system, or maybe even escaping the system. I'll start with you to do talking about the system, let's just first is sort of, you kind of mentioned it already. But let's just kind of like make sure we like to find it a little bit better. What does the system mean to you?

Adeel  1:54  
I think the system is the box that you're put in, as soon as you're born. That box of being born into the religion that your parents have the box of being told what the right path is the safe path of going to school studying them same old boring subjects like math, economics, accounting, counting really of I would emphasize on boring, learning those same old skill sets and following the bad to getting good grades, based on a system which is going to judge you on a standard system, which is not taking into account your own individuality, you're all treated as the same. You're all one of many. That's the system that I'm talking about.

Ant  2:50  
Yeah, I think the box analogy is really helpful. Everything is boxed. I think you and I we've spoken on this quite a bit like you go to you know, you're born into the box, like your religion, like you said, your, your society, that's the box that you fit in. And when you get older, you tick which box you you fit, oh, I'm this religion, or I'm this skin color on this race. And then you go to school, and you learn to tick boxes, to pass tests. So you can get a job, you know, maybe to stack boxes, tick boxes in your Excel sheet, or whatever it is, you know, all everything just seems to be more of a box that you have to keep conforming to. But ironically, is when you think outside the box when you become your own individual self. And I think that's

Adeel  3:35  
something you and I always talk about, is to think outside the box as this challenge the status quo. I mean, on the last episode are on spirituality and you know, for everyone to figure out their own path towards the spiritual journey, we emphasize that exact piece that it's going to be different for every person, everyone's journey is separate. Everyone's journey is individual to them. There's of course, a set of shared common values and beliefs, I think that society can benefit from certainly, but apart from that, if you just fix yourself into the box, you're always going to limit yourself, you'll never be able to spread your wings. If you're always in a box, you have to break out of it.

Ant  4:12  
When you're always in the box, you're always gonna be boxed in, down. I mean, it's true. I love this box analogy.

I think like when we talk about like, if you're lost in the system, I think is when you don't realize you're in this box, or you do realize you're in this box, but you just don't know how to get out of it. I think the first question is really kind of want to discuss is do you want to get out of the box? Or actually just take it back a step? Do you realize it's a box? I'm gonna presume there must be we're listening to this have some level of introspection, or at least looking for it? Because I think that's the kind of audience that will search for these sort of things. So I'm assuming you guys listening now. Are introspective people and looking to develop yourself as you know, in many different aspects of your life? So let's assume that you understand there is a box and that you're in the box. The question really is is, do you want to escape? How does one escape? Great question, right. And I think that's really the purpose of this episode is about understanding your greater purpose. So you work your way back, when you understand what it is you're trying to achieve. But I'm talking about really understanding, you're not like, oh, I want to get rich. I want $10 million, whatever it is, like, that's just kind of noise. Why do you want bam? That's the real question. What are you really aiming for? Only once you really know where you're trying to get to? Can you work yourself back to figure out how to escape this box? How to put that ladder in place, you know, go over that edge? So the first question, as always, as it normally is, is why that deep understanding of your motivation, once you know where you're trying to get to, you will put the pieces down in front of yourself to walk the path to get out.

Adeel  6:07  
Because that's the most important thing, right? Like whatever box here, and maybe that's better than what else is out there. Depends on what you're going to do once you're outside the box. There's a lot of people who maybe do get outside the box. But they're going to follow a wayward path, which is not really helping or contributing to society. Think about that for yourself. Like, at least that's how I thought about it, is that if I want to get out, what do I want to do? What do I actually want to accomplish? What benefit would that have for me for my future? offspring, all of them things I thought about, because if I do get outside the box, I do recognize that it's a lot safer to be inside it. I feel like if I have, if I'm in the confines of this so called box, then I'm at least a bit more secure. The least presumably, I think I am, once I get outside of it. It is whole world out there without any constraints without any confines. And as much as everyone would enjoy that the reality is that most people prefer being given limited options. Once you have unlimited options, which ones are you going to pick.

Ant  7:17  
And that's exactly what being lost in the system means. It means you don't even know what you're going to do if you were to escape. So you're just kind of you're like the hamster on the wheel. Continuing going round and round collecting your paycheck going past go like you're playing Monopoly. But why what for to get rich? Why? things if you don't have a why a deep understanding of what you're trying to achieve your why becomes the hamster wheel bar, cuz I'm just gonna get more money because I can click this cash, and I'm gonna keep going and going. And I say this about money, right? Money is obviously, you know, has it benefits and it has his down downsides, right? Like pretty much everything in life, that money effectively is a tool. It's a tool that you use to exchange value, right, you exchange your money for fruit veg experiences, whatever it is. But money is effectively a number. And numbers don't run out. That's why infinity exists. So if you are someone that doesn't understand your why you will keep going on the hamster wheel, keep going keep passing go keep collecting your $100 100 pounds every time we pass go. Not realizing that can never ever, ever be never stop. Because numbers never don't run out. And then you're lost on the hamster wheel forever, just going round and round. So the key thing to do is to understand your motivation. Because when you understand that, you're able to understand, hey, this is the point where I get off the hamster wheel. And once I'm off it, this is what we're going to do.

Adeel  8:49  
I think what you said over there about kind of chasing money, right? Because that one really struck a chord with me, or for me, I should say, because I have chase money for a large chunk of my life. I mean, I would say so right? Because when you sort of Chase what you don't have, and since I didn't have a lot of it, it was constantly something I was chasing. And ironically, like the system was a great way to kind of go down that path. But it never sat well with me, it just always was something that I always questioned as to whether that's right for me or not start actually pretty young, like if I was in in high school, and being graded on these exams, and all these tests that we were taking, it was all subjective based on the teacher number one. So the teacher would grade the exams. And on top of that, it would depend on how well you can articulate your thoughts and your in the format of writing. So you don't necessarily have to speak in the context of the exams that we're taking. But I'm subjected to the standardized grades as everyone else. And ironically, if you think outside the box, you're penalized for that. And I remember that There were so many exams and tests that I would write answers, which were not acceptable to the teachers grading it. Because they would want me to answer in a specific manner. And I would describe to them after the, they would give me back my results, and I didn't get a good grade, I would go back to them, I would explain my thought process to them. They're like, yeah, that's good. But here's how we graded. So if you fit into that mold, great, we'll give you an A, if you color outside the lines, that's an F, or whatever, it kind of really struck a nerve for me when I was a kid. And ever since then, I think I've known that the system is something that I don't fit in naturally, I'm trying my best to fit in. It was constantly me trying to fit myself into a box, which is too small for me. I was thinking bigger. I had bigger dreams, bigger goals. What was the experience like for you? With regards to the system? As you were growing up? What was your feelings towards the system?

Ant  11:03  
That's a great question. And it's kind of a complicated one to answer because I grew up with without much money. And as you know, I mean, pretty much broke, right? Just to be, you know, this is kind of, I mean, I'll go around, go round and kind of explore this a little bit. But firstly, regarding money, and then the system as well, kind of like play both in together. Regarding money, right? I always saw money as a tool to get out of the situation my family were in. And I knew I needed to game the system to get the money. But I knew that the system wasn't the game. The system is the game over. I knew that from a young age, I knew that I'm going to get the grades to get the job to get the money, so I can help my family. I knew that. But I knew that that wasn't the only way to get money. It's just that if you don't have money, this hard to get it, I knew that I needed to first become someone of some value. By learning something, giving some value in the world to get some money to then give it back and let it grow. I knew that I don't know why or how. But I think I could just see that. That's how the world operates. You can't really just get given something out of nothing. However, I also knew from young that he was game over, like I said, because I know that having a job just puts you on this rat race on this hamster wheel. And that's not the only way that you can get money. But you have to create something like I'm saying. So I kind of had a dual approach. Well, number one I would study, that's true. Without that doubt I really studious person really applied myself, I also will cause constantly thinking about other ways to do something. Can I create this product? Can I invest in this on the side? Can I partner with this person? So many things? I can't tell you? How many side hustles I've had so many. Because I knew that the way to real freedom was to get out of the system. But yes, so far in my life, I've kind of covered kind of done like a jewel approach. Well, kind of just on both understanding the game using it for me, I'm saying the system I should say, I guess the game, working towards my favor, but also understanding that it has its limitations. Yes, you could go and work and become the CEO of a big company like up for let's just say that could happen. I'm not saying it can't be you know them as positions are reserved for the few. Whereas the position of being individual and pursuing your own dreams is reserved for the many, because we can all do that. Regarding the money aspect, right? I kind of want to circle back on that as well. Because because the money is a tool, and it's obviously good. But I've not chased the money. Like in some regards, I have regarding the game, the system, the work, I've chased X, I know that that's the goal of that system. But regarding my own passion projects, it's not been money oriented, has been value oriented. I want to make sure I create something that other people will get value from. And a byproduct of that will be that potentially I'll make money. But there always been value oriented in terms of what I can create, from my individual basis, my individual creativity, my individual thought process, not because I'm applying some, I don't know, some Excel or some accounting role or whatever it is. That's the game. The game is about chasing the money and getting the status by the own personal passion projects own personal side hustles are more value oriented. And to me they're very, very, they're two very different polls, even though they're both might in the end. Get you some monetary outcome.

Adeel  14:56  
Yeah, I mean, something that kind of worked out well for me and this I buy a lot of good fortune is that I'm a part of the system, right in terms of going to school, the traditional schools University, and I have a typical nine to five job, right. So I'm part of the system, I would say, but I don't feel lost in it. Because I feel that I allocate my time responsibly, to passion projects of mine outside of it. And I've always needed that like similar to what you're saying, whether that's being involved in some personal hobbies of mine, some personal projects, mentoring, whatever the case may be, I want to be, I use the system to open up other opportunities for me, which fuel my soul, the more I stay in the system, I feel like I'm selling a bit of my soul each time. I can't really speak for others. But that's what it felt like to me. And it continues to do so. But I find balance,

Ant  15:57  
you say you're selling your soul, I can understand what you mean by that when you're in the system. We understand that the secret source is finding that true deep motivation of why you're doing what you're doing. When is the moment that you jump off that hamster wheel?

Adeel  16:15  
It's a fantastic question. I think when you have clarity, I think when you have clarity as to what your purpose is what you're trying to do next, you may lack a bit of conviction, you may lack a little bit of belief, hopefully you do have that. But if you have clarity, that'll show you the way it'll show you the path out, that'll show you that light outside of the box, which you can then pursue. So I think that that is the one piece of advice I would give for anyone trying to escape and trying to time it. I'll ask the same question back to,

Ant  16:56  
I think your answers Great. Firstly, I think clarity is the number one thing. So I won't repeat that. But I will also say there's probably some calculated risks that you have to take, you have to make sure that you're in the position to do that. So let's say you're someone that is in your mid 20s, maybe late 20s, or something like that. And maybe you have a partner, you want to start a family. Maybe that's not the best time for you. Because other priorities in your life. And I want to be a calculated risk. If you're somebody that is, you know, saying the same age range, but you have no other responsibilities right now. Maybe you're your family and all your friends are healthy, you're single things like that, right? Maybe that's an okay time for you. So you need to make sure that once you have your clarity, you're doing in a calculated way where you can afford to do it. I don't just mean financially afford, I mean afford to do it in all aspects of your life. Your finances won't be as harmed or won't be like, irreversibly harmed, let's just say he won't affect you mentally, emotionally, your other relationships are the things that keep you going in life.

Adeel  18:02  
I think you hit it on the nail over there that you want to have some level of tactics and plan in place to sort of not guarantee success, because you'll never guarantee it, but at least have a bit more conviction that will go along with your clarity that you have.

Ant  18:19  
Yeah, I think planning is without doubt part of it, right? Because if you fail to plan, you plan to fail, right. And it's kind of like the old sort of mantra that I think we were taught as I left school. But yeah, you kind of I think everybody kind of knows that one. So spend a lot of time figuring out and thinking about your true motivation for leaving the system, so that you're not lost in it, you don't just continue going around collecting your paycheck, wherever it is, and then build and formulate a plan on what you're gonna do once you get out. So you can go and achieve that vision,

Adeel  18:55  
and know that at certain points of their life, people may struggle to feel important to feel necessary to feel why they're here. Why does their life have meaning? I know that for our generation, it's more common than ever to be lacking that purpose. What advice would you give to someone if they're struggling to find their purpose?

Ant  19:25  
Episode Four, we talk about finding your why. And I'll always come back to this. And that's because I'm someone who, you know, really thinks a lot in my mind. You know this about me. I spent a lot of time thinking of kind of going through the different scenarios in my mind and not overthinking sometimes I'm guilty of that. But ultimately, I kind of ruminate in my mind, like, you know, go over what the right thing to do is what the right outcome is eventually, by the real crux of this whole thinking is to understand your deeper, deeper purpose. So I would encourage people to listen to that episode. If they want to dig a little deeper for How to do that. I'm not going to go over that again, because I would encourage people to go back to that one. But what I would say is that my own purpose, the purpose that I've come to, you know, with fluid, we're humans, we have different purposes and different parts of our life, I think so anyway, it doesn't always have to be the same one. When I was younger, my purpose was to help my family, they struggled, I didn't like that I didn't want that more, something better. That was my purpose back then. But once I had achieved that goal, and then used to refigure out my purpose, is there another thing I should be doing? And you know, how I kind of had a few iterations of this, but at this point in my life, right now, I realized that my purpose is to just to give back in many ways, one of them being through this, but other ways beings through my clients, to my other friends to my other family, more in terms of a mental or emotional capacity. But ultimately, one of my goals is to provide something to someone else in a deep, deep, like intimate and romantic, not deep, intimate way, have a family and be able to develop someone else developer, another human, I think that's one of the greatest things we can do is to one, the hardest thing to do is to be to be a good parent. And eventually, that's one thing that I want to do, I want to give out that value to other people.

Adeel  21:20  
You know, you said something over there that I just want to hone in on, which was around the purpose for you was giving back to others. But even when you were younger, you had mentioned about how it was to take care of your family. And I know we've spoken about a lot of this right before. But when I look back at my own journey, I probably lacked purpose for a lot a large part of my life. And if anyone's listening in if you feel that you don't quite know what your meaning in this life is or what your purpose in this life is, you're certainly not alone. There's a lot of people who go through that, and I certainly have, and I spend so much time weeks and months and perhaps even years, trying to figure out what can I do? What can I do in this world? That could give me purpose? And I realized that was the completely wrong question for me to ask. I kept asking, What can I do? I should have been asking, What can I do for others? And once I changed my mindset and my perspective to think about, how can I contribute to the society, to my comrades to everyone that I know. And I don't know, because we're all part of the same universe and we share the same land, how can I start contributing towards them? That's what gave me purpose. And I think that's what you were mentioning, both the scenarios that you spoke about, that it was always about giving to other people.

Ant  22:52  
I think one of the biggest realizations you can have as you go on your journey of peace progression, your spiritual journey, is that it's not actually about you, you know, when you realize that you're just a speck in an infinite universe. It's not about you. It's about how you affect other people. That's what matters. You know, a good example of this is kind of a weird example. But also one that kind of brings my point true. Is the greatest people that you can think of. Like, I don't know, Prophet Muhammad, you mentioned him before. Jesus is a good example.

Adeel  23:31  
Dalai Lama, okay. To Mother Teresa.

Ant  23:35  
Monasteries is a great one. Einstein the you know, different capacity but still remembered ology. Yeah, there's just so many great people from history. You can put an equal at sports stars in there, or an alder you can put, because if you will be, you'll be remembered. Right? Maradona has, you know, that's a good example. There's many, many great people, right? But what they're really remembered for is, what they taught, where they stood for the boundaries they pushed. These are the things they remembered for. And yes, it was about their greatness. But it was more about the impact they left on everyone else that makes them great. So when you stop asking, What can I do? For me to find my purpose as to asking how can I give purpose to someone else? That's when you unlock the new level.

Adeel  24:25  
You know, immediately I thought about Muhammad Ali, when he said that, you know, it's because one of the greatest boxers of all time, arguably the greatest. For many, he is the greatest, not only because of his boxing skills and his bravado, but of all of his contributions outside of that, of him standing up for his beliefs and his values during the Vietnam War. Everything he did for the civil rights movement and for fighting racism. He was a G he is some One that I look up to and I respect a lot. That's one person that if he were alive, I would have loved to meet him. That would have been incredible.

Ant  25:07  
Yeah, I think he was phenomenon. I love Bob Marley. That guy. I don't know, maybe it was smoking less a pot

Adeel  25:17  
Richmond

Ant  25:19  
moneymaker But no seriously like his just he's just seemed to be so awake and how to describe it. Maybe the pot probably helped. Yeah, probably. But just what? forward thinker. Another one that really strikes me right now is Malala honestly, like fighting for equal rights for women in Pakistan, right, like, this thing is so courageous. And we have another great episode on that. We've just done one about trailblazing women, we just had an episode on that episode 26, I would encourage you to listen to that one. We also have another episode of regarding your your role models and who to look up to. But ultimately, without even going into that in too much detail. I think the point I'm trying to make here is these people had purpose, obviously in their craft in their mindset, but they really remembered for the impact they left. And I think that's really the crux, it's not about you finding your purpose, it's about you leaving an impact on people they so greatly remembered forever.

Adeel  26:24  
And that's probably the biggest qualms I have with being in the system. And going back to the original question that we had spoken about. Because the more you invest yourself in the system, and we all have, to an extent most of us anyway, you start looking at a limited number of resources, limited number of gains you have. So inherently, you're going to look at everyone else's competition, everything becomes a zero sum game where if you win, someone else has to lose and someone else wins, you have to lose. And you're constantly then pegged against each other. And you don't have a choice but to just think for yourself. If you're constantly in competition with other people, you're going to think about your own benefit all the time. But if you remove that wall, if you break out of that psyche, and you actually think about side the box, if you think outside the box of how everyone is in this together, and then we can all win. That's where something will change and at least something changed for me.

Ant  27:32  
Yeah, I think that said really nicely. I mean, when you're inside the box, you're competing with everyone inside the box. When you're outside the box, you're competing with yourself, you're looking to be a better version of the individual self that you are the next day and the next in the next day.

Adeel  27:48  
It's fascinating to just think about how many of us find ourselves in this predicament and get lost in there? Did you ever feel a risk to be lost in the system? Or did you always have clarity that you have today?

Ant  28:05  
As a good another good question. And yes or no being stuck in the system? You know, to your point I'm in the system, and actually enjoy it to a large degree. But do I think I'll stay in the system forever? No. So yeah, I think I'm enjoying the moment whilst it's here. But I understand that it's not a moment that probably last forever. I think that gives me some level of comfort, knowing that I'm aware of the box exists. And when the time is right. God willing, I'll be able to exit that box. We look good and clear strategy.

Adeel  28:38  
I think that's the goal. And I think we're on the way I think for anyone listening in as well. Ask yourself where you are in your in your journey. I happy with the system. We hope that the listeners have a level of introspection, where you recognize that there are certain rules in place there are certain systems in place. Can you identify all of them? Can you recognize all of them? Not all of them are in broad daylight. Some of them are hiding behind masks behind the doors, where you don't realize that those are the boxes that exists. What are you doing to get yourself outside the box?

Ant  29:16  
And most importantly, do you understand your motivation for why you want to get out? And thereafter? Do you have a clear plan on how to exit and what to do once you have exited? Please hit us up. Let us know where you're at. We want to hear from you. You can find us on our Instagram page at calm talks. And no matter what you do remember, stay calm.

Adeel  29:46  
Thank you for listening to another episode of calm talks. And just as a reminder, if you like what you heard, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review. You can also

Ant  29:53  
find us on Instagram at calm talks and join our mailing list by visiting our website at calm talks.com 

Adeel  29:59  
And as always Stay calm