Adeel 0:05
Welcome to another episode of calm. We're here to help you lead your life of peace and progression one column at a time. My name is a deal, I went from someone who barely passed high school growing up in box, a country that's infamous for sectarian violence and political instability, to now being a successful consultant who manages some of the biggest accounts at a multibillion dollar tech startup in Manhattan.
Ant 0:26
And my name is and I have gone from growing up in one of London's most financially deprived and crime ridden areas to today working in New York City as management, and one of the world's largest consultancy practices. We have both turned our lives of chaos into calmness by focusing our minds on two main goals, achieving peace and progression. Today, we share our stories, our learnings, our mantras, and our guiding principles with you. So you too can build your own life of calm.
Adeel 0:53
On today's episode, we're going to give you five ways to harness your ego to build a life of abundance. But before we do that, let's talk about what Ego means. Unfortunately, we can see that when someone hears that word ego, they can really have a negative perception about it has a negative connotation around that. But ego is something that we can really harness into building a better life for ourselves. There's a different definition when it comes to ego, if you look at it from a psychoanalytical point of view, Sigmund Freud came into play and define your image your ego, your super ego. Today, we're going to be talking about the textbook definition where ego represents your sense of self importance or self worth.
Ant 1:38
Yeah, we just want to double down and make it clear that we're not talking about being egotistical or having that overinflated ego, we're just talking about your sense of self, not somebody that you know, you think you may be conceited or have obnoxious tendencies. That's what we're talking about. It's just about your sense of self worth, and your identity with yourself of yourself. And now we've cleared out what it actually means. I think it's also important to quickly discuss why that's important itself, and why it matters. And it matters because if you have a clear sense of self worth, you're able to hold yourself to a standard that you think is moral, just appropriate, and one that aligns with your values. Ultimately, a good and strong ego allows you to hold other people to the same standard that you hold yourself too. And that's why it matters.
Adeel 2:26
Yeah, when we're talking about your ego, when it's inflated, it really becomes a roadblock between you and a life of abundance. Or the contrary, when your ego is harnessed, it will become an ally in cultivating your success. So let's jump in. The first step we can give to anyone who's trying to build a life of abundance by harnessing their ego is to learn to recognize and regulate, the most important step is for you to always just identify when that feeling of ego comes up. Because that's all it is, is a feeling that comes up to you. And sometimes there's an excessive amount of it for you to recognize that Okay, in this particular scenario or situation, I feel a certain sense of ego, My pride is being hurt, my self worth is being attacked. Well, once you identified ask yourself, why? Why is it that you feel that you need to prove yourself? Is it because you have a chip on your shoulder? Is it because you were always challenged, or maybe you've been criticized when you were young, maybe you were compared against all your siblings when you were young. I can certainly relate to my childhood when growing up with an older brother, who was four years older than me, that not only was I getting his second hand flows passed down to me, but I was also getting the second had expectations off of him. So it was constantly being asked to get the same grades as and follow the same kind of curfew, rules and everything like him. And that always felt like a bit of a competition for me and made me feel my self worth being damaged, and maybe hurt, which has led to me having my ego come in into my adulthood.
Ant 4:01
I think what's really important here is to understand, when we say, recognize and regulate, to your point, why is that happening? To have the introspection to look inwards. You know, oftentimes ego comes out when you're hurt, what you're alluding to maybe, you know, when you were a child, you might have been something that you were hurt by you maybe were hurt by that comparison, I think being hurt is oftentimes a trigger for your ego to come out. And because it's when you really start questioning your sense of self worth. So if you have that in that moment, where maybe you're hurt, maybe something just simply doesn't resonate with you take that step back. recognize is that your ego in play? And importantly, is it justified? Is this the time to stamp your ground and say no, I'm going to stick to my guns. I know my worth here, and I'm going to act in accordance with my values, or is it a time where you're saying, Oh, maybe I'm being a bit, too? You know, I'm being a bit too overinflated with my ego. This time to recognize and regulate us
Adeel 5:00
Says something over there, that's so true that it may be coming from a place of hurt, there may be some pain that you're carrying still today. And that's what's kind of causing your ego to flare up. But the thing is that you can really prescribe any medicine until you find the root of the problem is, so first you identify what's causing it, what's the reason it's happening in the first place, then you can work towards curing it, or in our case, harnessing it.
Ant 5:26
Exactly. And I think that's the ultimate point. Once you're able to recognize and then regulate, you're then able to live your life in abundance, because now you know, okay, I'm in control my egos in check, I know, my worth allows my value lies. Now I can go ahead and achieve the objectives I want, not letting me be ruled by my ego, or some other maybe deep insecurity or other deep feelings of hurt.
Adeel 5:51
To your point, once you've identified where it's coming from, and why it's happening, then you can start building your life of abundance, which is what leads us on to the second point is that once you recognize where this is coming from, now you can start focusing on competing with yourself, yet from yesterday, now you can start focusing on competing with you yesterday, not them today. And what we mean by that is that with your ego, you may feel that you have to prove to others, you may feel like you're competing with others. But in actuality, your only competition is who you were the day prior. And then now you can put your ego aside, or actually just channel it in a healthier way to say, I'm going to be a better me, for me. Now, for anyone else.
Ant 6:40
I think we actually mentioned the word compete or competition with your brother. Right? I think that's really how this second point comes into play. Oftentimes, because you, you are comparing yourself to somebody else, maybe somebody else is comparing you with somebody else, your ego, or your sense of self worth, your sense of identity comes into play, to be honest with you.
Adeel 7:00
Yeah, I mean, I really used to view other people as competition. And I probably still can be guilty of that today, candidly speaking, but I tried to recognize it, and try to regulate that actually, nobody else is my competition, I'm much better off thinking of the world as kind of a collective where we're all in together. There's, of course, dangers out there. And that's what I'm referring to. But in fact, like in a setting where I have an abundant mindset that we can all win, I don't want to have the mindset that, you know, my victory would come at the cost of someone else. How can we provide value to everyone so we can all win together?
Ant 7:37
Exactly. And that's the point. It's better to compare yourself to the version that you were yesterday, than to everyone else around you. Basically, strive for continuous improvement every day. And allow yourself to continuously build a life that you want that one of abundance. And I think you know, to bring this kind of home, I think a lot of us are really like affected by this comparison, in day to day, I'm pretty sure everybody listening, this podcast has Instagram, or at least knows people with Instagram. And you know, maybe we do it on purpose. Or maybe it's all subconscious, probably subconscious. You're comparing yourself to other pictures of other people, their life, what they eat, maybe their bodies, whatever they're posting. And ultimately, if you're comparing yourself to them, you're not going to be the best version of yourself, because you're always in competition, thinking I have to be better than them. No, take a step back. Compare yourself with you yesterday, are you a better version of yourself than yesterday, that's what you really care about. And things like social media easily prey on us. Maybe it's a good idea to dissociate from that, or selectively consume content, so that you're not competing with others today.
Adeel 8:48
One of the mindset shifts that I had was after reading this book called The courage to be disliked, which sort of has you believes that, you know, look at everyone else's journey as part of your own, you're all living and sharing the same earth. And instead of looking at everyone as a competition where your ego can come into play in that realm, instead, look at everyone as a teammate, and look at every one is that how can you help them and kind of win together at this game of life? I mean, in fact, like, if I could just plug like Episode 34, where we talk about how to build a top team and how to build a team that could help you achieve success in your life. Definitely check that one out. If you're looking to build your team and put your ego aside a quick intermission actually, just to give a special shout out to one of our loyal listeners, Vidya who is based out of Indonesia, and she sent us a really, really sweet and nice message, which we're going to share today on the podcast. And it says exactly this. Thanks to calm talks podcast. You're part of my healing journey. live my life calmly, one step at a time. video we just want to say thank you so much for your support. poured, it really means a lot to us and to the rest of the listeners as well. If you're still listening to us, and if you enjoy our content, please do go. Please do follow us on Instagram at Tom talks. And leave us a message, let us know what you thought about the episode, let us know how we can improve, we'd love to hear directly from you know,
Ant 10:18
For our third point, we kind of paraphrase a very, very common phrase, which is that there is no growth inside the comfort zone. But to us, we say there's no growth inside your ego zone. Effectively, there's no growth inside the place where your ego is out of whack, where you're being egotistical, where your ego is overinflated. There is no growth there. Where you really want to be is in the zone where you're looking to constantly study, to be studious to keep learning to keep growing to keep pushing on, keep pushing upwards. That's where the growth happens. Not inside the ego zone.
Adeel 10:54
We kind of coined this term when we were planning this episode, you know the egos on and I'm all for it. And it's true that you want to be able to get out of that zone. And always have a level of humility to whatever you're doing. There's always someone else smarter than you. There's always someone else who knows something that you don't. And if you have a mindset that you know, at all, that you can do it all by yourself, that's actually counterproductive to you building an abundant lifestyle, because you're actually saying that, hey, I have everything that I want and need. And that's simply just not true. Having an abundant lifestyle. And mindset also means to have your knowledge which you can share with others. And it's a mutually beneficial relationship across the board. And yeah, I mean, just over the years, I've just learned to shut up and listen, like when I'm in front of some other people just asking a ton of questions and just listening to what they have to say, I was just an upper east side the other day, and I had a massage, but I was there a little bit early. So I was walking around the neighborhood. And I passed by this real estate office. And there was a guy standing out there. And he saw me kind of looking at the expensive condos. And some of them by the way, 19 20 million out here in New York. Absolutely mental, beautiful, though. And this guy, you know, he kind of came up to me started talking to me. And I just spoke to him for the next 1520 minutes about real estate and just like his experience with real estate, because he worked at that office. And he was telling me about like, you know, the people who show up over here, he's like, the people who are like, in suits, usually don't have that much money and people who are like, you know, raggedy clothes and trainers or whatever. They're usually the ones with money. And I was in training because I was going from a solid solid, like, I don't know what a dumb guy as you fool. But you know what, just listen, learn. And that's where I think you can actually grow not only your mindset and knowledge, but also your connections and your relationships.
Ant 12:57
You know, this actually reminds me of really famous proverb, or a really famous phrase, if you will, it was by someone who called Otto von Bismarck. I'm gonna pretty paraphrase it here, because I don't know exactly what he said. But, you know, it's just so the gist of it was a fool learns from his own mistakes, but a wise man learns from the mistakes of others. And I think that yeah, it's really good, right. And I think that's actually really poignant here. It's really like bang on the money. Because, to your point, we don't know everything. You have to learn, you have to learn other people's mistakes, but also their lessons, their guidance. A part of it is obviously the second point we mentioned, you have to compete yesterday, you have to obviously look to continuously learn, but also need to do that by listening to others, by following guidance by effectively, not letting your ego come into play, don't have the overinflated sense of self worth, don't live in that he goes home, take the lessons from other people use it to develop yourself to grow to keep pushing upwards.
Adeel 13:56
Totally, it's kind of, again, that mindset of having that collective because everyone can teach you something, they're either going to teach you the right way to do things or the wrong way to do things. And as long as you have an open mind, and you go into it, not from a perspective of I'm going to win, or I have to one up this other person. Instead, I'm going to learn that mindset shift really helps you unlock abundance in your life.
Ant 14:22
I think the fourth point actually is really good here. Because we've been talking about ai ai a lot which, you know, ego is actually the Latin word for every point on Yeah, right is so we were talking about i But ironically, one of the best ways to harness in an abundant life is to not make it about yourself, to serve others, not yourself. true abundance is one where you feel fulfilled, where you feel wholesome in your life. Oftentimes that comes from giving to other people, not from serving yourself.
Adeel 14:52
Totally I mean, ego when it's unmanaged, will lead you ego when it's unmanaged. We'll look to serve your own needs, but once you learn to harness your ego, you will learn to serve the needs of others. That allows you to now say, Okay, this is all that I have, instead of thinking about what more can I get, what more can I receive? What more can I extract out of this universe? What can I actually give? How can I actually be thankful and grateful for everything that I have, and also have the confidence within me that I know I'm going to get more, which is why I'm happy to share my knowledge, my wisdom, my wealth, all of them things with the rest of the world.
Ant 15:36
You know, I have actually a good example for this. For me, I prioritize helping my family a lot. I'm sure everybody on this podcast takes the time to provide love support, maybe financially or emotional mentor to the people they love and care about. An ask yourself, when you do that, for the people you love, does that make you feel good? Does that make you feel good when you give back to other people, even in quote unquote, small ways by being emotionally available for them? It probably does. serving them, is actually really fulfilling. So when you look to serve others, like I have with my family, and if you don't do with your family, it helps you lead that life of abundance or fulfillment. Try and keep your ego in check by actually focusing on helping other people, not just yourself.
Adeel 16:23
It just returns in tenfold, honestly, like, I kind of learned that as a Muslim growing up in Pakistan that you know, the more you give, the more you'll receive, because God will benefit you or sorry, God will reward you I should say, but have you seen this happen in real life? When I didn't have much in life, to be honest with you, I probably was a bit stingy. But as I've gotten older, I've learned from the people around me to be more giving to be more based in abundance and my mindset, and my way of thinking, I have a friend of mine who I've known since, you know, since my days in Pakistan, and his name is Ibrahim. And he was out in Oregon, where he lives at now. He runs his own store, and he's living a beautiful life over there. Right now. He goes on hikes like all the time, he's like a, he's like an adrenaline junkie, he'll do all the winter sports, and I can't get myself to step out during the winter. But this guy, you know, and his story, you know, I know stories of I mean, I'll never, like, promote these stories, but I know this about him is that he would have people who come into his store, and you know, give him their cell phones, because he kind of repair cell phones and devices. And the person would, you know, say like, oh, this phone isn't working, can you check it out, and he would open it up. And he would be like, Alright, what's going on, let me kind of diagnose it in front of you first. And then it's just one small switch that needed to be kind of toggled. And he would basically fix it. And you know, he would give the guy back and the guy was like, dude, oh, thank you so much gonna give you like 100 bucks, 200 bucks, 500 bucks, whatever the case is. And he's like, he's like, dude, no, you saw me do it. It was like 10 seconds of my time, and you don't have to pay me anything. Like his mindset is so much like baked into that. Let me just give like, I'm gonna be honest and act with integrity that this was like a 10. Second thing, I'm not going to charge you 100 bucks for it. Even though like yeah, it's, you know, I'd have to spend a little bit of time on it. And I've seen how much that makes a difference to him. Because that same person will then go leave a review online on Google, and tell all of their friends and family and he's gonna get more customers next time. And I've seen that happen to him. So I think that the world and the universe is very giving. But first we must give to the universe.
Ant 18:42
And our last piece of advice is, as always, stay calm. I know we always say this at the end of every podcast and we say to ourselves, and for any listeners that have been listening for a while, you know, that's one of our catchphrases, stay calm. But in all honesty, it's really applicable here. Because when the ego takes control of you, or your ego is unmanaged, you lose your poise. You've lost your sense of calmness, your sense of togetherness, your sense of self. So it's really important. If you want to manage your ego, so that you can live a life that is fulfilling for you, one that is abundant for you. Stay calm, keep yourself in check.
Adeel 19:22
No matter what. That's our advice in every scenario. But when your ego flares up, you're most susceptible to react and respond in a way that's probably not congruent with your calm his version. and calmness to us means that you have the capacity to disconnect from the emotion or feeling that's coming up, or at least recognize it regulated, and then be able to make a conscious and intentional decision in that moment. And your ego, I think is a beautiful thing. It's a powerful, powerful feeling that is baked into your own sense of self esteem, and is good to have a level of self esteem. It shouldn't be overinflated. It should be bathed in True Confidence, which comes from your accomplishments and all that you have done prior in your life, which helps you feel confident within yourself that you don't need to prove to anyone else because you're already comfortable in your own skin. Part of that is, of course, going back to this point is, if you stay calm in those scenarios, you can actually then recognize and respond in a way that helps you build a life that is abundant, as opposed to one that's taking away and chipping away from the universe.
Ant 20:35
Okay, so to wrap up our five ways for you to harness your ego and to build a life of abundance. Start with tip number one, which is to recognize and regulate, you want to identify when your ego is at play? Is it over inflated, was under inflated? Is it okay to be there? Artists have these questions, be introspective, and regulate them, make sure you are able to control or have some decision making over what ego is in play. And if that's okay with you, number to compete with you yesterday, not them today. You have to make sure that even though your ego may be triggered by feelings of hurt, or have feelings of inadequacy or some insecurity, it's actually important for you to change that narrative for yourself and compete with you yesterday be better than you were yesterday, not let it be impacted by comparisons to others. Thirdly, there is no growth inside the ego zone. You want to make sure you're away from being egotistical, away from having a overinflated ego, so that you're focusing and doubling down on your growth. Fourthly, serve others not yourself. true abundance and true fulfillment comes from giving back to others. Focus on that to help you build your life of abundance. And lastly, as always, stay calm. You have everything regulated, you're not copying anybody else. You're making sure your egos in check by not being in the ego zone. And you're serving others the way to react to all of this and where to keep it going. Stay calm.
Adeel 22:14
Thank you for listening to another episode of Calm Talks. And just as a reminder, if you like what you heard, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review.
Ant 22:21
You can also find us on Instagram at calmtalks and join our mailing list by visiting our website at calmtalks.com.
Adeel 22:27
And as always, stay calm.