E47: From Routine to Romance: Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

Welcome to Calm Talks, the podcast dedicated to helping you discover a life of peace and progression, one calm talk at a time.

In this week's episode, we set sail on a voyage of relationship rejuvenation. Together, we'll uncover the art of transforming routine into romance, breathing new life into partnerships with the magic of shared adventures and mutual enrichment.

Segment 1: Exploring Mutual Hobbies
Join us as we open the door to shared interests and hobbies, infusing relationships with excitement. From indulging in vacations to the joy of dining out, cozy movie nights, lively card games, and even retail therapy, we explore a treasure trove of activities. Through these shared endeavors, discover the power of cultivating a bond that resonates with vibrancy and shared joy.

Segment 2: Shared Challenges
Embark on a journey of unity through shared challenges. Dive into the world of joint accomplishments, uncovering the strength that emerges when partners tackle hurdles together. Discover how embracing new fitness ventures and culinary explorations paves the way for profound growth and connection.

Segment 3: Surprise Destination Date Nights
Experience the thrill of spontaneity with surprise destination date nights. We'll unveil a collection of imaginative ideas that whisk couples away on spontaneous adventures. Delve into the magic of discovering new locales together, rekindling the spark of exploration and reawakening the enchantment of shared discovery.

Segment 4: Memory Reboot
Step into the realm of nostalgia as we explore memory reboot techniques. Unearth heartwarming strategies for revisiting cherished memories and shared experiences. Immerse yourself in the emotional tapestry of reminiscence, where each memory carries the potential to evoke feelings of warmth and reconnection.

Segment 5: Cultural Exchange Nights
Journey into the heart of cultural exploration within relationships. Immerse yourselves in dedicated evenings celebrating each other's cultural backgrounds. From crafting traditional dishes to sharing stories and embracing customs, experience the beauty of cultural exchange, deepening your bond in the process.

Segment 6: Collaborative Creativity
Unlock the gates of imagination as we delve into collaborative creativity. Venture into the realms of co-writing stories or weaving shared artwork. Witness firsthand the fusion of 

Thank you for joining us on this voyage of rekindling romance from the routines of daily life. As you embrace these harmonious practices, you'll witness the resurgence of the spark that unites you and your partner in a symphony of shared joy.

Tune in to Calm Talks on your favorite podcast platform and embark on a transformative journey towards rekindling romance, fostering connection, and inspiring excitement within your relationships.

Chapters
(0:05) Calm Talks Introduction

(0:53) Episode Intro

(1:36) 1. Exploring Mutual Hobbies

(3:23) 2. Shared Challenges

(6:13) 3. Date Nights

(9:28) 4. Memory Reboot

(12:22) 5. Cultural Exchange Nights

(16:58) 6. Collaborative Creativity

(18:57) Episode Summary

Transcript

Adeel  0:05  
Welcome to another episode of calm. We're here to help you lead your life of peace and progression one column at a time. My name is Adeel, I went from someone who barely passed high school growing up in box, a country that's infamous for sectarian violence and political instability to now being a successful consultant who manages some of the biggest accounts at a multibillion dollar tech startup in Manhattan.

Ant  0:26  
And my name is and I have gone from growing up in one of London's most financially deprived and crime ridden areas to today working in New York City as management, and one of the world's largest consultancy practices. We have both turned our lives of chaos into calmness by focusing our minds on two main goals, achieving peace and progression. Today,

Adeel  0:45  
we share our stories, our learnings, our mantras, and our guiding principles with you. So you too can build your own life of calm. I want you to picture this, the early days of your relationship when every glance every touch felt full of excitement. There is electricity a spark, but as time goes on, novelty fades into a comfort of routine. Today, we're here to unveil the secrets of turning ordinary into extraordinary, reigniting the passion that brought you together in the first place.

Ant  1:14  
Get ready to embark on a journey from routine to romance, as we share real world examples and strategies that will keep the spark alive for you in our relationship. Now, whether you're curled up together right now, or on your way to work, whatever it may be, this episode is the first step two rediscovering the fire in your relationship. So make sure you stay tuned until the end, let's dive in.

Adeel  1:36  
The first step that we can give to anyone is actually find a common ground. When you have a relationship, especially if your long term relationship that you're trying to cultivate and build, you have to find some common ground, some common hobbies, shared experiences, or shared interest, I should say, where you find ways to build new experiences on that common interest. That's just such a phenomenal way for you to be thinking about what brings you together and keeps you connected, as you're embarking on this relationship. Yeah,

Ant  2:05  
and I think what's really important here is, when you explore discover mutual hobbies, you both have fun. And that reignite that spark, you remember why you fell in love with the person in the first place, whether that'd be their smile, their laugh, their charm, how they view life. And when you look at the world, for your mutual hobbies, and when you partake in mutual hobbies, you rediscover that with them.

Adeel  2:30  
And there's different examples, and it depends on what you're into, let's say both if you're into traveling and taking some trips together, or going on a vacation together, is the way to go. If you're two individuals who love eating out, you have, let's say, both of you are foodies, and have a palette for trying out different cuisines, didn't try to make that a priority in your life and try to have different cuisines that you're trying every now. And then it's gonna be all sorts of different interests that you have, which you can explore together.

Ant  2:56  
And also one person might have a bit of a hobby that you may not have maybe one of you likes to go shopping, or the other one likes to play some sort of card game or something like that. partaking your partner's hobby, make it a mutual hobby. So you too, can spend time together and ultimately build that connection again, and we discover that spark.

Adeel  3:15  
And that's the first place to start is to find what both of you find comfortable, and explore that together as a team. But the second tip is really around actually exploring challenges that you could both be taking on together as a team, taking on a new challenge, like let's say, a new fitness class, a yoga class, maybe even a cooking class, something that you have not experienced before, not collectively as a team anyway, it's a great way for you to kind of build that, that connection and that trust with each other. And it's a great way for you to even have banter with one another. As you go into the cooking class, maybe one of you is a better cook than the other. It's not actually about whether you're good at that activity or not. It's rather the act of doing something which is a little bit challenging, and overcoming that challenge together,

Ant  4:00  
agreed. And I think what's really nice about sharing challenges is that you remind each other how you support each other, remind each other how you're there for each other, you remind each other for why you're a good team or how you can be a good team. And that in itself, is a way to reignite the fire. Because when you overcome things together, it brings you closer. So don't be afraid to share a challenge, especially one that you yourself might find really difficult, whether that be that cooking class or something even random like fitness or pottery class or maybe even an asset class, something that you might find challenging or they might find challenging, or you both find challenging, do it together to rediscover why you are a good team.

Adeel  4:40  
This could be something silly as well. I mean, the other day my girlfriend and I we went into a bar and they had like these different board games. And there was Kinect for which is kind of a puzzle game. I guess you could call it that. And then we got that together and we're then playing that against each other. And there's a little bit of strategy in but you're kind of going through that challenge of like playing that game. And it actually helps you kind of banter with each other to kind of joke around with each other, whether it's like a challenge, but you're going up against each other, which you kind of can turn into a game, or it's something that you're doing together. It's just a helpful exercise a mental exercise for you to prepare that, okay, we can do challenging things together. Or we can overcome challenges in our relationship. At some point, we'll have to go through some conflicts, okay, can we overcome those, you kind of getting into a habit of being on the same team and overcoming difficult moments, so to speak?

Ant  5:33  
Yeah, for sure. I especially like you when things when you both find things a bit difficult, like rock climbing, or something like that. It's really fun when you guys do it together. I like hiking, for example. And I don't think everybody likes hiking, that's definitely challenging. But helping upon a push through like a difficult hike is rewarding for both of you. But one person, they might feel like the you're they're being spoiled. And for you, you feel like your support, you're helping them discover a new version of themselves and helping them express themselves and where they are couldn't express themselves before. So shared challenges, I think is a brilliant way to reignite that fire and rediscover that spark. Talking about shared challenges, it's also a good idea to make sure that you do your date nights together. Now, yes, having a weekly or monthly date night is, of course, going to help keep the spark alive. And make sure the spark doesn't go out. But I think you can also spice it up a little bit more by doing something a little bit different to what you normally would, let's say you normally go for dinner, on a date night or a movie, that's great, why don't take it one step further, do something a bit more creative. In your date night, maybe, for example, a destination date night, something a little bit outside the norm to keep the spark alive.

Adeel  6:47  
Yeah, that's a really good one. Because share common interests are good. Finding some challenges to overcome are great. But actually, if you want to keep your spark alive, you got to keep courting the other person, you got to make sure that you are baking in time and some effort and some intentionality behind how you're spending your time. And it's I think, particularly as a man like planning certain dates planning, like certain date nights, it's just imperative to to keeping the romance alive. It's certainly something that honestly I've incorporated in my relationship is to make sure that we at least have one date night for a week. As you know, in New York, there's so many places that you can go. So I think definitely have the benefit of having like numerous activities and restaurants around here in New York. But even for someone who's living outside in like a different suburban area, I think there's ways that you can actually just make sure that you prioritize this, I think it's actually the intention behind it that both of you dress up for each other, and make the effort to glam up, put on some nice shoes and go out for dinner, I think it's actually the concept of of showing up for each other, as opposed to like, you know, taking it a bit more casually getting comfortable, which is pretty normal in relationships, especially in the long

Ant  8:01  
agreed. And I think that's what really is important here is is the surprise element of the day, you might have your weekly date or your monthly or whatever it might be in your relationship. But making sure that surprise element will keep the spark alive, whether that be going to new restaurants, or trying new foods, maybe going to a new destination for your date night. something spontaneous to make sure that date night isn't itself a recognition of that spark.

Adeel  8:27  
I love that. And I'll just give a pro tip just keep noting down the things when your partner is talking about like the places they want to visit, which they're interested in. Keep taking a note of that, because like that's an opportunity for you to plan something spontaneous without the person expecting that will mean the world to your partner, if you can actually take them to a place which they mentioned to you one time. It's a small gesture, but it goes such a long way. Speaking of a gesture that could go a long way, we're just going to take a halftime break and just want to say thank you for all the listeners for tuning in. So far, you're showing us tremendous support. And one thing that we're going to ask you to do is that if there's someone that you love someone that you're in a relationship with, think about maybe sharing this episode with them, maybe that could spark some ideas enrollments in your life, maybe there's a friend who's mentioned to you recently that the spark is dying out in their relationship. So hopefully this episode will be helpful and insightful for you to share it with them. And as always, don't forget to subscribe. But anyways, let's get back to today's episode and go into the next bullet.

Ant  9:28  
Yeah, we've spoken a lot about things you can do going forward, you know, exploring what your hobbies, shared challenges and you know, making sure your date nights are spontaneous. There's also something that you can do regarding looking back. And that's what we call a bit of a memory reboot. Why not revisit some of the things that made you fall in love that where you initially found that spark? Go do them experiences again, talk about them, reminisce about them and evoke and feelings again to reignite the spark in your relationship.

Adeel  9:59  
And that's probably Something we don't do enough. I mean, when you're in a relationship, let's there's no two ways about our relationships, our work, I mean, dating, relationships, all of that as work, you're gonna get back what you're gonna give into it. And, you know, because we're managing our daily lives, you know, we have, you know, most of us have day jobs. Outside of that we have family, we have friends, maybe we work out, we have to take care of our, our meals and everything like that there's a lot to juggle, and we get complacent with our partner. And that's not even an attack on anyone, but we just kind of are so caught up in managing everything else in our life that will won't take a moment to pause and reflect our relationship. So one of the things that I do is actually, I keep a journal on a highlight for my day. And I'll admit that I don't fill it out every single day. But I would say that probably 80% of the days, I do actually go back and journal on what was the highlight for my day, if I was to tell the story about the day, what would that be. And that helps me keep track of like, all the things that I'm doing, and honestly, that expands beyond my relationship is actually something that's beneficial for my friendships as well, because I can actually keep track of like, where I was, and what day. And most importantly, what was a moment that I thoroughly enjoyed, which I want to keep a memory of,

Ant  11:16  
yeah, that can always see when you do that with your relationship that helps you to revisit them in the future, you want to make sure that when you felt them feelings for your partner with your partner, able to revisit them, and that say, if you do this quote, unquote, memory reboot, you were able to keep the spark alive by reigniting or re evoking that feeling that you had during during that experience with them,

Adeel  11:39  
you know, a game that I'm going to plug as well that Andrew and I actually came across. And we were chatting about in the planning for this episode, which is we're not really strangers, which is a card game where you have these reflection cards, you can actually like play it with your partner, because there's a couples edition for that as well. And it forces you to kind of reflect back on your relationship. And last few questions like, What was the first thing you notice when you saw me? Or what was the first thing that you liked about me? What is something that surprised you about me there's like all these deeper questions in these different categories where it helps you connect with the person and it's such a fun, and and present exercise that you can share with your partner. So highly recommend using that one,

Ant  12:20  
taking the slight pivot. One other thing that we thought of was about a cultural exchange. Now, we didn't mention this in our last episode, Episode 46, clashed versus connection and the importance of overcoming cultural differences. But really want to like double down on that in this next tip, when your partner is of a different culture to you, it's a good idea to dedicate time to understanding their culture. And that's obviously important to building that connection. And again, you can revisit Episode 46, if you want to listen to that a bit more. But the point we're making here is to keep the spark alive is also to be interested in your partner. So understanding their culture and the difference is could actually help you keep that spark alive. Whether that be understanding some of their traditions, maybe how they how your partner may cook, or dress or the music, listen to the stories that are really present in their culture, things like that. Really understanding who they are. And really learning about them is a way to keep the spark alive in your relationship.

Adeel  13:24  
This obviously may not be applicable for everyone listening, if you're in relationship with everyone's from the same culture. But for those who may be in intercultural relationship, like I find myself like and you find yourself in, it's such a good piece of advice, because it helps you again, find some time in your relationship where you're actually focused on connection beyond just the present moment, but also the person's traditions, the person's history. This happened recently where my girlfriend asked me about the history with India, because I had mentioned in passing with a friend, like, you know, there was some, you know, animosity between India and Pakistan, and she had no idea about that. So I was able to actually explain that to her because she showed her she expressed their curiosity, and I was able to kind of divulge into the history of Pakistan and how Pakistan was born in 1947. And go into that. And it was a way for me to connect with my partner, where it's very likely that, you know, she may have never came across that piece of information. And she has a better understanding of not only me, but also my family, my ancestors, because of sharing about just a piece of history about my country.

Ant  14:34  
For me, when I think about this tip, I think, well, what's a big part of my partner's culture? And what's something that we both like and this Oh, we both enjoy. And one of them things is food. So I will make sure that I try different parts of the cuisine, different food, and we go to like a local restaurant, that is from her culture, so we can try it try different things. And it's just the way To keep that connection to keep being interested and keep learning, you know, the food obviously is great, it's tasty. But really the point of going is to remind them that I'm interested in you, who you are, what you stand for, where you come from, and what that means to you.

Adeel  15:14  
Yeah, because when you're dating someone else, you're not just dating the person, you're dating their, their family, you're dating their, their culture, their traditions. So, you know, you don't have to adopt everything about that. But I think you can show interest, you can show curiosity. And you can show a level of interest in just learning about that person's tradition and history. And I mean, there's some examples which we can share as well, maybe it's like, about learning about the versus like traditional dishes, you can take some of the other advices that we've given around a shared challenge, where you can actually also take a cooking class together, but that's a traditional dish, which is specific to their culture, and how we a way for you to kill two birds with one stone. One

Ant  15:56  
thing that's really fun on this is I'm learning like dance, or music, or language, language, actually, probably a really good one, if you want to learn your partner's language, if they're from a different part of the world, different culture, potentially. But really, the one that I find interesting is dance because I absolutely suck at dancing. I'll try why not. Because it's fun. So you create this, for me, it's a challenge, or it's a hobby. So I guess it's kind of both tip one and two rolled together. But also the fact that we're connecting over the culture, and it's just fun, it's fun. And it you know, it definitely keeps that spark alive, and you just end up but for me, anyways, end up laughing and it's just, it's actually quite magical.

Adeel  16:38  
I would pay to see you dance, I gotta make that happen. And he loves

Ant  16:43  
me all the time.

Adeel  16:46  
I think it's just a great way. Again, it's not even actually about like dancing or anything like that, right? It's not about the skill set. It's not about how, if you're a master at that craft, it's just about sharing that experience together. And on that note, one of the last tips that we can give is something you can share together, is embarking on or engaging with a creative project together. When your relationship is becoming routine. Over time, you lose a little bit of novelty, you lose a little bit of that spark, exploring creative projects together is always going to feel new. And it's always going to feel exciting, it's a way for you to tap into a part of your brain, which is going to activate different sensories for you. So whether that's let's say taking an art class together, maybe just going to an art studio and working on let's say a collage or like some, some play work with each other. It could even be just an exercise of writing together perhaps is reading together, find out a creative outlet for either a few, and then try to use that as an activity together to deepen your connection.

Ant  17:55  
Agreed. Recently, we said upon arrives at all, we're going to nourish our pottery class, or another dance class. And we're in my regard in my situation, my partner loves fashion. So how can I you know, understand that a bit more and get involved in in her form of creativity. And that's something we're actually exploring right now, we don't have the thing that we're going to do set in stone yet, but we're exploring that creative thing to collaborate together with because ultimately, it's about keeping connection, so that you keep the spark alive in your relationship.

Adeel  18:29  
And maybe for some of you who are listening in, maybe you're already living with your partner, maybe you're have a place that you own. Maybe there's a home project that you can work on, maybe there's some re re furnishings and redesign of redesigning the living room that you can do. There's ways that you can incorporate that based on where you're at and your life and your relationship idea over here really, is for you to actually take some creative exercise together to open up that part of your brain as a team.

Ant  18:57  
Okay, well, I think we've actually covered quite a bit here on I think we've given six key tips. So to summarize, we'll just quickly go through them again. First one, explore mutual hobbies. Find things that you're both interested in, go do them together, explore the hobbies, so you two can laugh together and enjoy each other's company again. But secondly, find shared challenges. Push each other, motivate each other. remind yourselves why you're a good team. Thirdly, your date nights, have them in the calendar and tried to make them as spontaneous as possible. Whether that means being at a new place, trying a new cuisine, or maybe going to a new place to eat food wherever you like. Just make it a bit spontaneous. Hopefully go down memory lane memory, reboot, the things that evoke them feelings of passion and that spark in your relationship. Go do them again. Remind yourself why you fell in love in the first place. If you're part of a different culture, explore it, explore it through their traditions and their values, their cooking Music, the dance the language, whatever it might be a fashion even learn about it again, or keep or learn about it if you haven't learned about it enough before, to keep that spark alive. And lastly, do something collaborative together that is creative. Find something that you can both work on a passion project so that you too can keep the spark alive for your relationship. And as always, stay calm

Adeel  20:35  
Thank you for listening to another episode of calm talks. And just as a reminder, if you like what you heard, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review.

Ant  20:41  
You can also find us on Instagram at calm talks and join our mailing list by visiting our website at calm talks.com

Adeel  20:48  
And as always, stay calm.