E49: “My Powers Are My Traumas” Overcoming Sexual Abuse, Homelessness and Bankruptcy to Becoming a TEDx Speaker and Best-Selling Author - Jay Cardiello

From the desolate depths of homelessness to the dazzling heights of celebrity training, our guest, Jay Cardiello, has lived a life that is nothing short of extraordinary.

An unfortunate injury during his track and field practice left him with a broken spine, propelling him into an abyss of pain and depression. But Jay, with the audacity of hope and resilience, turned his life around, becoming a sought-after coach in sports leagues such as the NFL and Major League Baseball, and then also later worked with some of the biggest names in entertainment such as 50 Cent, JLO, Rami Malek and Sofia Vergara.

Jay’s story is not just about surmounting adversity; it’s a profound exploration of how he found strength, purpose, and faith in the darkest chapters of his life. After enduring the heartbreak of divorce and the struggle of homelessness, Jay discovered solace in his relationship with God and his father's wisdom. His journey stands as a beacon of hope, demonstrating the transformative power of faith, resilience, and determination.

Although Jay is TEDx speaker and has authored two best-selling wellness books, perhaps the most interesting part of Jay's story is his experiences with ketamine treatment to make peace with his experiences of sexual abuse. The openness with which he discusses these traumas offers a sense of courage and inspiration to those grappling with similar challenges.

Indeed, his story is a testament to the human spirit's ability to overcome even the most formidable obstacles. As he shares his greatest achievement, we learn that our past traumas do not define us; instead, they serve as stepping stones, guiding us on our path to becoming the best versions of ourselves.

Chapters
0:00 Episode Preview
0:23 Episode Introduction
1:16 From Homeless to Celebrity Trainer
4:30 Finding Faith and Overcoming Hardship
13:59 Resilience, Legacy, and Personal Growth
17:33 Morning Rituals and Overcoming Trauma
19:59 Mindset and Personal Growth
29:37 Celebrities and Athletes With A Focus on Personal Discipline and Consistency
33:57 Leaving a Legacy
35:51 Ketamine Use for Mental Health Treatment and Personal Growth
38:21 Overcoming Trauma and Finding Inspiration
38:57 Ketamine Therapy for Depression and Trauma
42:29 Overcoming Adversity and Building Resilience
44:42 Recognizing the Wins
46:35 Final Words
47:50

Transcript

Jay: 0:00

But when I went homeless and I had nothing, you know I was eating out of garbage cans. You know I'm gonna start getting choked up right now, but you know it was to the point where, if I didn't have my faith, if I didn't have that trunk, I wouldn't have been able to persevere and have the resilience and the strength that I had to go on to become the man I am today.

Adeel: 0:37

And today's guest is nothing short of inspiration because of the incredible success he's achieved despite major setbacks. He's gone from homeless to becoming a celebrity trainer, working with the likes of 50 Cent, jennifer Lopez and Rami Malik. He's a personal trainer and a mindset coach who inspires people to live their best lives. Jake Artiello, everyone.

Jay: 0:58

Thank you so much for having me. I do appreciate your time, Matheo.

Adeel: 1:02

Likewise, Jay, we're excited to have you on board. You know, your story is absolutely incredible and we are hoping to inspire others and everyone who's listening in today with your story today.

Jay: 1:13

Thank you.

Adeel: 1:16

So how about you, starzal? Tell us a little bit about your fitness journey.

Jay: 1:20

So it started off first. I was an athlete at the University of Arkansas. I was a track and field athlete in the 1996 national championship team. I was a long jumper and during one practice it was kind of rainy and kind of misty outside. I was really tired and I kept on wanting to push my body and push my body and unfortunately it was unfortunate but it was very fortunate, I always say at times, because it really changed my life I came down wrong when I was practicing in a jump and I broke my spine. I actually cracked the tailbone right in half and I had vertebrae go forward and distal backwards and I fell to the track and my leg went completely numb and I thought I was paralyzed for a second because I couldn't walk. I actually was dragging my leg as I was stepping with my left leg, my right leg was dragging behind and I didn't know what was going on with my body.

Jay: 2:07

So it was at that point where really kind of anger, depression, everything that goes into being injured, went into that and I fell down to the track and got up, cried and wheeled my way back to the training room and got training and it was at that time that they told me my career was over and I always say, like my life at that time was like, if you think about a tree, drunken Field was a trunk of my tree and basically one ax of God I always say, just came in and chopped it down and everything fell. And I always want to say it's like a tree, because I tell the story to people a lot is that if you make the trunk of your life, you're the trunk of your tree one aspect and it falls down and you basically it's very hard, in an essence, to pick yourself back up because you've created something where everything is about this one thing. Drunken Field was that one thing for me. So I really didn't know where I was gonna go at that point.

Jay: 3:06

So it was 1996 and I had about 16 surgeries to put my spine back together and I willed my way back to collegiate, drunken Field, and I started coaching and I transferred to the College of William Mary and it was at that point where I began coaching and fell in love with taking care of people's bodies and minds. And after college I went on to become a coach in the NFL, xfl, major League Baseball and the Arena Football League and in 2005, I got a call from 50 cents manager and the rest is history. We met, we hit it off while, and for the next 15 years, I spent the world. I spent the time touring the world with him, getting his body and his mind in the best shape available.

Ant: 3:52

Obviously, I think that's actually. That in itself is an inspiring story, I think. Just from being so so it sounds terribly, terribly injured to doing a complete U-turn and turning it around to train one of the most famous, and the world is incredible. But no, I kind of wanna like hone in on that. Like you said that you obviously had a very, very, very difficult injury. What was going through your mind? How did you like turn that around? How did you have the mentor, like fortitude, to keep pushing and persevering, even though you had this physical, really badly physical, injury?

Jay: 4:30

Yeah, so at that time, you know, my father was alive. He died when I was 30, but while he was time, he was my mentor and he told me two great quotes. He said the first one. He said five percent of the people in this world make things happen, 15% of the people in this world watch things happen and 80% don't know what the heck is going on. And he asked me what percentage do you want to be? And then the next quote he told me is like never give yourself the opportunity to ask what if?

Jay: 4:59

And he came up with this thing and I ran with it later and my talks is called the deathbed theory and what it is is that many of us are gonna lay in our deathbed and we're gonna come to the point where we're thinking about what we could have been or what we could have done, and a lot of people are gonna the 80% of the people are gonna say you know, what if I would have done this, what if I would have spent more time with my family? As opposed to saying what if I would have worked harder or earn more income? We always want it. We always say what if I would have spent more time with my family? What if I would have went after my dreams and really chased my potential? So those two quotes really permeated themselves in my mind and it was at that point where I said I really had to come to a point to turn my life around.

Jay: 5:43

And then also too, in 1996, I was led to by, actually, the pastor of the New York Giants. I got a guy by the name of George McGovern, so it was actually led to him through into receiving Christ. So it was that point where I had my faith, my religion and then the mentorship of my father, to really pull myself back together and harness a relationship with and I say a relationship that I pointedly with myself that I had to resurrect my mind and my body to become something that I wanted to be. So it was really my father and it was really the point of 1996 when I accepted Jesus and my Lord and Savior, to really help me push past any sort of difficulty that was going on in my life at that point.

Adeel: 6:28

That's really fascinating, Jay, Particularly around the point about you know kind of connecting with faith and using that as kind of the focal point of you persevering through this. Had you always been connected with your faith, or was that a journey for you?

Jay: 6:44

My journey with faith was a very hard one and it brought me to the point where, as I said earlier, my life was like a tree and the trunk of the tree was track and field, and all the branches on the tree are aspects of life.

Jay: 7:02

You can have your family, you can have your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your spouse, whatever it may be, your work, whatever, but until you put God as your Lord and Savior as the trunk of your tree, you can lose every branch in life.

Jay: 7:15

But if you put something that is the forefront of your life as opposed to your faith and as opposed to your Lord and Savior, jesus Christ, as the trunk of your tree, what's gonna happen is that, once it gets chopped down, what are you gonna have? So, instead of with my journey, with my faith and my journey and everything, I had to rethink where I wanted to put my faith and where I wanted to put everything. So I had to put God as my Lord and Savior as a trunk. So when the branch of track and field fell, it was okay. When the death of my father happened, it was okay. When I went homeless, when I went bankrupt, when I got divorced, it was okay, because it was that point where I always say was my pruning of life, where the branches were being taken off but the trunk was always presented on solid ground. So my journey was tough because I had to learn that I had to make the trunk and the tree my faith.

Ant: 8:10

Is your relationship with God more about how you believe in yourself, or is it about understanding your position in life? What does your relationship with God actually mean? Like you're talking about being the main pillar or the main trunk of the tree. I think that's an amazing metaphor, by the way, but what exactly does that mean to the listeners?

Jay: 8:26

Sure. Well, what it means to listeners is this is that we all face hardships. We all face things that we're gonna go through and we're gonna be broken.

Jay: 8:37

If you put your faith as a branch, as opposed to putting your faith as a trunk or God as a trunk.

Jay: 8:46

When life hits you and the tree falls, if you've placed it anything but Christ or anything but your faith or anything but your God, whatever religion may be, the what's gonna happen is that what are you gonna be left with? Because your branches shouldn't be anything more than just like your job, your family, your things, because you can lose your branches. But if you don't put what I did and I'm not saying it's for everyone to do it, but what I did is I put my faith is at trunk. So when life hit me like we'll get into this in a little bit, but when I went homeless and I had nothing and I was eating out of garbage cans, I'm gonna start getting choked up right now but it was to the point where, if I didn't have my faith, if I didn't have that trunk, I wouldn't have been able to persevere and have the resilience and the strength that I had to go on to become the man I am today.

Ant: 9:47

I do wanna hone in on that as well. I know you've mentioned it a few times about when you became homeless. Yeah, we sort of we've discussed your journey, sort of from the track and field all the way to the present day. But at what period did you struggle with homelessness and, I guess, why?

Jay: 10:04

Yeah, yeah, sure. So in 2017, just like 65% or 50%, whatever the numbers are is that I went through a divorce, and when you love somebody and you do the best you can, and then the carpet's pulled out from under your feet, you fall down. And what happened was is that just like anything? Divorce lawyers cost a lot of money and going through divorce is very expensive so I went bankrupt and I lost everything and I was out on that street, I was living on couches of my friends and then the times that I couldn't get a couch, I had to sleep on a bench and it was very hard for me to be that kind of person, be that kind of man and also be a father at the same time. So it was 2017 that I became homeless, and it was for about six months, living on the street, living on couches, and at that point, it was really that I had to reach out. I always say my greatest strengths are arms length, and I had to reach out to friends and re-put those branches on the trunks of my tree and I was introduced to something that's very interesting and we can get into a little bit if you like, but ketamine is a semi-psychedelic that works with depression and it works with post-traumatic stress and works with people who go through a lot of trauma. And it really hit upon me and it really helped me come out of this trauma and my friends paid for it for me and I went through a six week cycle I mean a six time cycle and it really helped rewire my brains. And I wanna jump back into a little bit of a thing, cause it's just not all, so much the homelessness, but I always say that I went through the worst of times, to give people the best of times.

Jay: 12:04

Between the ages of six and nine, I was sexually abused. 2017, I was homeless and bankrupt. Then I lost everything again just last year, where I had to come back and everything. So you had asked a question about my faith and my journey and everything along that line. If I wasn't planted and if I didn't have those roots into solid grounds of my faith, I don't know what kind of man I would be today.

Jay: 12:35

And I really wanna stress upon that is that whatever you're going through in life, whatever hardship you may be facing, whatever trauma it is that you may have in your past, it's okay. Then life is incredible and it really has a way of beating us up, but it really has a way of showing out how beautiful life can be if you really focus in on resurrecting your life or putting your life in faith and having it as the trunk of your tree, because any branch could be blown away through any storm. But if your faith and if you're God or whatever who you worship, is that trunk of your tree, if at that point you ever hit upon a storm, the winds, the rain, whatever it may be, will never really destroy you. And I really had to keep that faith.

Jay: 13:30

Throughout all the traumas in my life, whether it was the sexual abuse, whether it was the homelessness, whether it was the bankruptcy, whether it was being a cutter for many years trying to get over those traumas, it was always to the point where I had to believe that there was going to be a better day. And then we said going back to those two quotes of my father five percent of the people make things happen. And I really wanted to be that five percent of the population.

Adeel: 13:59

Wow, jay, I mean your story is incredible as to how often you've had different moments in your life and you've kind of persevered through them.

Adeel: 14:07

You mentioned faith quite often and I'm gonna share something which what happened with me after I graduated from college.

Adeel: 14:14

My father had passed away and I wasn't really religious at that point. I would also probably admit that I considered myself a bit agnostic, a bit atheist at one point, but I remember when my father was being rushed to the hospital, I was on my knees in tears and praying to God and that's when my kind of journey restarted and, unfortunately for me, I thought of God when I needed him the most, when I was on a downward trend and I have kind of gone in more religious and would probably admit to this as well. I've gone in more and more religious throughout the years. At that point I remember like not only seeking God but also looking at my family and having like the responsibility of my family and the combined power of those two is what kept me moving forward. What I wanna ask you is throughout the different stages of your life cause you've had different peers of your life where you've had extreme trials and tribulations what has kept you going in each of those individual incidents.

Jay: 15:15

That's a great question. Later on in life it's my son. It's my son, max, and he keeps me focused on the future and the father that I wanna become, the man that I wanna become and the person that I'm meant to be. So, as of now, he's like that carrot that's dangling in front of me that I'm really chasing after to be the best version of myself.

Jay: 15:42

But years ago, years ago, I never wanted to have the title of a statistic. I never wanted to be a number where in any data or research to say like, oh, they were sexually abused, here's what happened in their life. Because this happened and now they live a very negative, very unfulfilling life. So I never wanted to be a statistic. I wanted to, in a sense, be my own version of myself and be the author of my life. So later on in life it was my son, but early on it was. I didn't wanna be a number and I didn't want to be something where somebody else titles me. I wanted to be that author in my life and I wanted to write the history and write the books and be the best version I could be, through my own accord. Thanks everyone for.

Ant: 16:43

You know you've mentioned a lot of really deep subjects. I could go into all of them. I would love to go into all of them, but I think I want to take it up a level and ask what does being peaceful look like to you, given you've had so many trials and tribulations and had so much ups and downs in life?

Jay: 17:04

That's a great question. So there's two things that really come to mind. Is that? One of the things I think about is legacy? I always think about my birth date and death date and how long and what we call define that dash, how I'm going to be remembered. You know, I want my eulogy to be read for hours. I want it to be get people excited. I want it to be something that I leave on for the generations to come into my son as well.

Jay: 17:33

The second thing that comes to mind is I do morning rituals and that really brings myself to peace each and every day. So I start off my day at 5 am, I do an incantation where I say, by December 31st 2023 or whatever year it is, I, j Cardillo, will be this by doing this, this and that, so that brings me peace. Then I meditate, then I journal, then I recite my goals, then I work out, and I only work out for about 10 to 15 minutes a day. I'm not in the gym for hours when people think, and then you know, 10 to 15 minutes. Then I take a sauna and then I take an ice bath. So it's every day that I take that.

Jay: 18:16

I always say it's being it's positively being selfish that brings me peace. It's thinking about my legacy and it's thinking about how I can effectively work on my mind. So whoever I come in contact with and even if it's the mirror, because that's our greatest enemy Whoever I come in contact with that, I'm going to give them the best version of myself. So I take that positive selfish hour each and every day, from five to six, to resurrect my mind, to bring peace to my mind, to bring focus to my mind and to get me back on track. When I do face the mirror or I do face opposition or I do face people that I'm going to give a peaceful situation and there's going to be a peaceful outcome. So two things that really bring me peace, or thinking about my legacy and my morning rituals.

Ant: 19:11

You know, what's fascinating in this response to me, anyways is that it sounds like your version of peace is also measured against your version of progress. As long as you're moving towards building your legacy and continuing your routine, you feel like in a state of calmness and balance. I think that's fascinating, and you also mentioned something about doing it consistently and being accountable.

Ant: 19:39

I mean there's so many questions I could ask you, but I think one of the main ones that comes out is when I think about accountability is what do you think is like your superpower when it comes to focusing your mind? Is it that accountability, or is it something else you've not touched on?

Jay: 19:53

You know, I think it's the superpower that I have and we all everybody see I'm going to backtrack and go off in a tangent real quick. We're all celebrities, we just don't celebrate ourselves enough. We're all superheroes, we just don't celebrate our powers enough. My powers are my traumas, and you know I said this and I'll say it again I went through the worst of times to give people the best of times. I went through the sexual abuse. I went through being years as a cutter. I went through, you know, I'm an open book and I've talked about this in the Gary Vee show and talked about this on various other shows.

Jay: 20:38

Is that, you know, I've been admitted to institutions and people are like what you? You, yes, because at the point back in the 80s and 90s, when you're a cutter, you know people didn't know what that was. But I was running from the traumas of being sexually abused. I hated my skin. I used to shower for hours. So my traumas bring me peace and my traumas help me persevere along this journey, this amazing thing called life, that when I come to talk to people, that when I come in front of people, that when I come to unite the people, whether it's training them, whether it's working them on a behavioral level or just interacting with them on a friendship level or a relationship level, that I'm giving them the best version myself to them, but I'm bringing peace and helping resurrect them, them to see their own superpowers.

Adeel: 21:35

My trauma brings me peace. Wow, that's such a powerful quote, jay, you you, of course, have a lot of wisdom and I think a lot of the focal point of where you come from is your mindset. You have mentioned mindset and mentality plenty of times throughout this interview, throughout this conversation, and you've mentioned your father as well as to how he was a mentor of yours. Is he kind of the main source of being your teacher? Has he been? Has he been your best teacher across the years?

Jay: 22:06

Yes, he has. Unfortunately, I lost him when I was 30 years old. He was 60 at the time. He died of a heart attack, but he was the one that really taught me so much. I always say that he was even before the Tony Robbins and the Gary Bees and all these guys.

Jay: 22:22

We used to sit and you know we grew up poor and we really didn't have much but we used to just sit on the stairs in the basement and we used to talk for hours and he used to tell me how life is going to be hard. Life is not going to be fair. You have to be fair to yourself, you have to treat yourself and just, and he always told me this one thing. He said watch what you tell yourself, because the strongest muscle in your body is not your heart, it's not your brain, it's not your bicep, it's your tongue. What you say is what you'll become and also who you attract. What you tell yourself is what you can do and how you're going to get through the storms of life. It's the rudder of your ship.

Jay: 23:07

That's why I always tell people is that you know I work more on my mind and my tongue than I do on my physique and my body in the gym. You know I spend, let's just say, 40 to 50 minutes working on my mind every day, where I'm only working 10 minutes on my body and people say it's how that could be, because you know you're a trainer and you tell people to lift weights and everything. And I say, well, actually I don't. What I tell people is to work on yourself, is to work on your tongue, is to work on your mind, is to work on what you tell yourself and how you see yourself in the mirror and how you conduct your business and how you raise your standards and how you communicate to yourself each and every day. So my father really instilled those points early on in my life that I'm now instilling not only my son's life but the people around me.

Adeel: 23:59

You mentioned about how you're instilling the same mindset to others in your life. Now, what is your relationship like with your son today?

Jay: 24:07

My relationship with my son today is great. He's 11 years old, he plays on the traveling soccer team. He's doing really well. He's in sixth grade. He's just such a joy To see him grow and to see him prosper and to see him become his own unique man and your own unique boy, and to be himself. Because one thing is that you know I'm going to go off on another tangent, but I, in the very beginning, my son's a very big soccer fan.

Jay: 24:39

My dad told me this story. We were watching TV one day when I was about 12 years old and we have one of those televisions where you got to bang the side of the screen so I get a good picture. He asked me the question he's like who's the, who's the greatest player you see on the screen? And I named the quarterback, the running back, every position, and my dad's like no, it's somebody in the stands who beat himself up mentally and now he's a fan wearing somebody else's name, clapping for them when he could be on the field.

Jay: 25:14

So as my son progressed in soccer and he started to like the Christianos and the messies and all that, and I said I will purchase for you jerseys and I will allow you to wear somebody else's name on your back, but they are not your identity. You couldn't clap for them. You can cheer for them. Just always remember that you are max and you lead yourself to your destiny. You have to manage yourself through life. You, in a sense, have to wear your name on the back of your jersey of life and see how you command yourself as a player on the field of life. So my dad, when I was young, we never wore jerseys of other people's names on our back because of my father. But I had to explain to my son that if he was going to wear somebody else's name, he wasn't going to be identified as them. He was going to be a fan of them, but more so he was going to be a fan of himself.

Adeel: 26:19

You know, jay, you've brought it up, so I have to ask you now, If you had to pick Cristiano Ronaldo or Messi, which one would you pick?

Jay: 26:28

I got to go with my son for Cristiano.

Adeel: 26:32

We're in the Cristiano Camp too, both of us, antonin, and our both soccer friends.

Ant: 26:38

You know, actually, the reason why I mean this actually is quite a good question, because the reason why Adil and I really like Cristiano is because of his mental fortitude and his application. He's never say that attitude and the fact that he just keeps pushing. He may not be, say, as talented as Messi, arguably, but he was a relentless worker and that's something that Adil and I resonate with, and maybe I'm jumping the gun here by saying that perhaps that's something that you also resonate with.

Jay: 27:10

It is. You know, resilience, perseverance is all a mindset and athletics is not about so much on the field that I always say there's that two seconds. I always tell people, if you want to resemble anybody in the field, resemble a quarterback, you know you throw an incomplete pass, you throw an interception, you get up and you dust yourself off. So if you see somebody on the field, you know a picture. He throws a ball and it's not that of the stadium, or he throws a, he throws a ball instead of a strike, he dusts himself off, or she dusts themselves off and they go on to the next pitch. Unfortunately, so many people in life don't do that. You know, if you think about it, you can be having a great day. You know, you come out of work and I was going well, you get a promotion, you get a raise and then all of a sudden you pull out of the parking lot and somebody cuts you off and you pull up next to them and you yell at them and you scream and everything and you get thrown off track. That's not being an athlete in life.

Jay: 28:22

An athlete in life is being it's okay, things are going to happen, it's okay.

Jay: 28:29

Life is going to throw you curveballs, it's okay. You may go bankrupt, you may be homeless, but as long as you don't lose your name, as long as you don't lose the confines in your mind of who you are, you can persevere through anything. There was a great movie I forgot the title, but it was about Tina Turner and I had beaten her up and she went into a hotel and she's like I have nothing, but I have my name and it really stuck with me. And that's why I always tell people is that your name is so important, because it's your identity and what legacy you want to leave with it is up to you. Be resilient, be strong, be faithful, but have a confidence within yourself and the confines in your mind that you can accomplish anything. And life is going to knock you down just like it does for Cristiano and just like it does for Messi and just like it does for so many athletes. But they would be within two seconds. They dust themselves off, they get back up on the field and they're ready to play life.

Adeel: 29:37

You mentioned a bunch of athletes over there. You mentioned celebrities like Tina Turner and you work with athletes, and you also work with celebrities like 50 Cent, J Lo Rami Mele, just the name of few. Which celebrity or athlete did you work with? Which surprised you the most, and I would also like to know why.

Jay: 29:56

Yeah, you know what? It was probably 50,. I was introduced to him back in 2005. And we met at a gym called Clay Fitness, which resides here it's now complete body and in the city, and we met and you think hip hop is all about partying and drinking and smoking and everything like that. He's nothing like that, he's all business. And that's what was so poignant with our relationship and that was one thing we had such a great rapport is because we both don't drink, we both don't smoke, we both don't party. We're pretty boring when it comes to the extracurricular activities of life. What we are focused on is becoming the best versions of ourselves.

Jay: 30:41

And that really surprised me with him is that he's always pushing the envelope to be a better version of himself. And you've seen that now he came out in what? 2003, when it was in the club and everything like that. And now it's 20 plus years later where, when he first came out back in the early 2000s, he's still crushing it, he's still doing well and he has shows like Power and he has movies coming out and he's on tour right now. So he was really the one that really shocked me on how the media perceived him and how I perceived him and how he really was with his inner circle, of how strong will and strong mindset. That really surprised me with him and really shocked me about him.

Adeel: 31:33

To be honest, I'm a big fan of 50 Cent, so I love the fact that you've got to work with him. I've always kind of resonated with him in the sense of he doesn't drink, he doesn't party. He's kind of found his own path. You mentioned that you don't drink and you don't really partake in these substances. Perhaps when you work with your clients, do you also give them similar guidance to avoid alcohol? Do you give them some space to kind of dabble in a drink or two or a glass of wine here and there?

Jay: 32:02

Sure. So I say dabble in life, enjoy life, celebrate life. That's why I say there's no such thing as a celebrity. We're all celebrities. There shouldn't be that fine line between the average person and celebrity. We just got to celebrate ourselves and when we celebrate ourselves, we can have one, we can have a beer, we can have a glass of a drink, we can have cake, we can have whatever it is, and I'm not going to say just in small amounts.

Jay: 32:36

If it's a great time and you're experiencing like a birthday or Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever it may be, celebrate, celebrate each day. I'm not saying to go out and bark upon, you know, getting drunk and doing things along those lines. What I am saying is that it's okay if you want to have a glass of wine. What's not okay is when it disrupts your discipline, when it becomes consistent for you, when it becomes something you reach forward to deal with stress. There are so many things, such as breathing techniques, such as meditation, such as journaling, which can be a five to 10 minute combatant to stress, that reaching for alcohol or drugs or anything along that line can lead to you being thrown off your course of discipline and consistency. So I don't want to say in moderation or anything like that. But I am saying celebrate, celebrate often, but be consistent with your disciplines of life, because it's your disciplines, not your motivation, that's going to make the biggest difference and it's going to lead you to the promised land of life.

Ant: 33:56

You've spoken about. You've had an amazing, incredible journey and incredible story and you've obviously worked as a trainer with, like Adil said, with a lot of really famous people, celebrities, and, of course, you're a coach in terms of mentality. I guess I need to ask you what's next on the horizon for you? Given so much you've accomplished, what's next on the horizon for you?

Jay: 34:18

Sure. So currently, my business partner and I I was told by a name of Raj we help people on Instagram achieve the most success in our life with a program called Step Up, a behavioral intervention fitness program that works on mindset hacks to help you achieve your best version of yourself while losing weight. That's one of the things we're working on. The second thing that I'm working on is I'm opening a ketamine clinic up in White Plains, new York. We're doing a partnership with a, actually a coexisting place, so we're technically opening, but we're they've already been there for a while, so we're going to be kind of partnering and reestablishing the brand. So that's why I mean by opening up.

Jay: 35:07

That's the second thing I'm doing, and the third thing is just becoming the best father I can be to my son, which is the most imperative thing to me, and if that's, if that's, I can say the best legacy I can leave, that I can give somebody else another generation of my mindset work. That is great, and I'm going to accomplish everything that I need to accomplish in life. So I always say my success is what I'm leaving in the footprint that I'm leaving behind me, not so much what I'm going forward to, the next thing that I'm looking to accomplish. So my greatest success will be my son, and my greatest achievement will be the legacy that I leave for him.

Adeel: 35:53

Jay, you actually mentioned a ketamine clinic. You've mentioned also that you've used them in the past. I personally do believe that psychedelics done intentionally, in a controlled environment, with with a tangible outcome that you're trying to work towards, can be extremely powerful and beneficial. Is ketamine still a part of your life? Is that something that you just did once and you kind of moved on from it? I want to get your kind of. I think I want, I'm trying to get at is. I want to understand more about your experience with ketamine.

Jay: 36:23

Sure. So ketamine is still very much a part of my life. You know, I first went through the initial six treatments that you get and then you do boosters, maybe every other week or every other month or a few times a year. So I always tell people if, if something works for you where it's benefiting your life and helping those of others, and stick with it. And I still keep ketamine in my life. I don't go every week or every other month, I go a couple of times a year just to keep my mind and my brain fresh. I don't want to ever have those traumas repeat themselves in my mind. So I know by keeping them with the ketamine I keep them at bay and I see the impact that it has made, not only in my life but those around me that I impact. So ketamine is very much a part of my life and will always continue to be a very big part of my life.

Ant: 37:17

Is the ketamine clinic a place where we would understand how to use it responsibly? Is it a place where we would understand how to use it to benefit them? Can you give us more information about what the clinic actually is, because I've never heard of that, so it's really interesting to know Of course.

Jay: 37:34

So what basically happens is this people who suffer from, let's just say, post-traumatic stress. If you're, let's think like you're coming in there for your coming in, if you're an army sergeant, you've been in the military, whatever, and you're coming from a post-traumatic stress, it helps recondition and helps with the synapses of the brain send messages at a better rate to other aspects of the brain. So what I mean by that I'm trying to stay not scientific and try to explain it very you feel better immediately after the ketamine treat you. Things make more sense for you after the ketamine treatment. What I mean by that is that life is just a little more crisper and little more clear. That's one thing when people always say what was your experience like If life was crisper and clear? I re-experienced my trauma of sexual abuse on my first one that I went through. It was a very, very tumultuous experience. It was very hard. It was a big obstacle for me to have to get through. I cried At the end, though. My life was crisper and clear because of it. It helped recondition my brain, function better and deal with life on a more consistent basis.

Jay: 39:05

When someone first comes in say this again there was something from post-traumatic stress or whatever. They'll go through with a doctor intravenously six treatments every other day. Then they come in for the doctor works with them. They'll do what they call boosters. They may come every other week, once a month, twice a month, a couple times a year. It really just helps recondition the brain each and every time you're coming back in there to receive your treatment, the post-traumatic stress, the resistant depression, whatever it may be.

Jay: 39:43

It's actually a breakthrough for that. It's going to be and it should be the forefront of the way we treat depression, resistant depression, post-traumatic stress and addiction. It's going to upset a lot of psychiatrists. It's going to set a lot of rehabs because people are going to be becoming healthier, healthier and getting their lives back. That's one of the biggest things that we're going after is giving people the opportunity to get their lives back. A person initially comes in, they get six treatments and then they go through a series of boosters and they'll talk it over with their doctors. There is eschetamine, where it's shot in through the nasal spray, and it's a little less effective. You do take that home with you, but intravenously you're looked at, you're watched by doctors throughout the whole setting.

Adeel: 40:40

Did the breakthroughs come after consecutive sessions in a row?

Jay: 40:44

I would say the breakthrough came after the first session, because it was the first session when I was back. I remember just being with the individual. I remember being in the backyard. I remember being in the shed where it first happened. I revisited that whole trauma. It was at that point that I was able to work through the trauma on my own accord, where I was actually in control, even though I revisited it, I was able to revisit it, be in control of it. At that point it was very traumatic, it was very emotional. As I said, it had clarity and clearness. Everything was sharp and crisp after the first session.

Adeel: 41:34

Jay, that's extremely powerful. I'm going to share a little bit myself. Over the past few years I had gone to therapy and I was going for a little while. I had an up and down childhood. For the most part it was really good, but there was definitely some dark times. I went through therapy to go through and actually face the traumas that I had grown up with. That's necessary in order to come to peace with that. You, when you speak about the different low points that you have, child abuse being one of them. Is that ever difficult for you to talk about now?

Jay: 42:12

Not at all now. Years ago yes, years ago I did understand it. It was embarrassing. The trauma went on for many years. It was difficult because of the embarrassment that I thought I should feel about it. Now I'm open a book because you want to know something.

Jay: 42:34

There could be someone on the end of this that could be listening to this and saying, hey, listen, this happened to me and now it's my time to stand up.

Jay: 42:47

If I take the rudder of my ship, if I take my tongue with the strength and perseverance and resilience and talk about it, that other person on the other end that's receiving this message could be helped and heard and for them then to get the help that they need. So I always say I always say I went through worse times to get people the best of times by me. Talking about it can help effectively help people resurrect their own minds and their own confidence and their self, to get the strength and perseverance to basically then say grass pulled, I can do this, I will do this and I will make this my life. So I always say someone can be listening right now and saying you want to know something? Enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I need to take hold of my life and make my life the best version that it is. So I never know who's listening and I never know how I'm going to be heard, but I know that my words can impact those that are listening.

Ant: 43:50

Adil, and I always say that true strength is the ability to be vulnerable, and I think retelling this story is really demonstrates that, and I'll say on behalf of us both and all the listeners that we appreciate you sharing something that can be very, very difficult to be so vulnerable about.

Jay: 44:08

Well, thank you.

Adeel: 44:10

It has such a fascinating story and your vulnerability is always fine the fact that you can sit here on a podcast and kind of share what you've gone through, the different trials and tribulations that you've gone through but what's inspiring is that you're such a positive, upbeat guy. You're absolutely kind and that's what's inspiring. You could be beaten down by what world had given to you, but you have persevered through it. Yeah, it's absolutely awe inspiring. I guess what I'm going to ask you is that, when it comes to overcoming all of these challenges, you've obviously hidden different high points in your life as well. What's been the highest point of your life so far?

Jay: 44:59

So that's a great question, because I was just asked that last night. So I was asked a question what's been the highest point of my life? And you're asking me? The highest point of my life was probably my first book that I wrote. You know, I grew up where I got 580 on my SATs. I think you get 400 for just shouting your name.

Jay: 45:20

So when I put out my first book it really gave me I don't want to say the right, but it gave me the feeling that I did make it not like in the thing for monetary value or anything like that, but it gave me the point where I've been through these traumas, I've been through these tribulations, I've been poorer, I've been all this stuff and I've come out and made a book and that's going to inspire people to change their life.

Jay: 45:54

That still has been the highest point of my career because I got to put out something in my own words by the most powerful muscle in my body, which is my tongue, and help that to help people overcome their own adversities and their own tribulations and trials. So that has been the highest point of my life. In terms from a professional career, the highest point of my life, and the personal is the birth of my son. That is definitely the greatest joy of my life and he is the greatest thing that I have. I can't say enough about how proud I am and how love I am with him and just the amazing person and individual he is today.

Ant: 46:36

You've given some amazing advice, and all baked in so much inspiration. If you had to give one, one key piece of advice to anybody listening, what would be the ultimate piece of advice you would give?

Jay: 46:50

Wow, just one huh.

Ant: 46:52

Just the one. You've given us a ton today, but you had to choose just the one. To give anybody listening what would that be.

Jay: 47:03

It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to be down. It's okay to have dirt kicked in your face. It's okay to be made fun of. But what not is okay is believing in yourself. It's okay not to be okay, but it's not okay when you believe it as yourself. If people are telling you something about you and it's really not true, don't believe it. If you're going through tough times, it's okay. Things are going to work out. Whatever you're going through, it's okay to be down. Just don't believe you'll ever be there for a long time.

Adeel: 47:50

That's absolutely incredible, Jay. Wonderful piece of advice. I'm sure the listeners must have found a lot of inspiration from this episode, when we let you go. Where can folks find you on Instagram or any social media outlets? Where can they find you?

Jay: 48:05

Sure, they can just find me at atjcardiello on Instagram and DM me. If you have any questions or concerns or anything I can help you with, I'd be happy to help.

Adeel: 48:13

Excellent. We'll link out your book in our podcast description as well. Yeah, guys, definitely check out Jay. He's an inspiration to us all and absolutely fantastic mindset coach and a fitness trainer. Jay, this has been absolutely awesome. Thank you one last time for being on here. This has been one of my favorite conversations I've ever had in my life period.

Jay: 48:34

Well, thank you guys and honor.

Ant: 48:36

I've completely concur. It's been one of the most inspiring conversations I've had. Thank you so much for being on our platform. Thank you.

Jay: 48:43

Thank you guys. God bless you.